Are you having conflicts?
- During the conflict, one of you pulls away as the partner will misunderstand and the problem is not solved.
- Have you been arguing over the same thing over and over and expecting your spouse to understand one day, but it has been years?
- When a spouse doesn’t agree with your needs, the spouse will bring up everything you did wrong in the past and tell you that you can’t let things go. Though you have no grudges against history, you want the current issue’s solution.
- The spouse is not listening to your needs, and most of the time, the spouse is getting their way.
- Talking to a spouse about a conflict feels like an argument where you will always be the loser.
- During conflict communication, do you both start arguing?
- Simple needs like coming home on time are not met, and you are not able to explain that you are missing our time as a couple.
- The spouse has simple rules for my way or highway.
- Usually, small arguments turn into drama due to anger by one of the partners.
- After the conversation, you keep on questioning whether the reality is real or not.
- The spouse ignores family responsibilities. Having a spouse wish happy birthdays to family members seems like a task.
- Whenever you try to communicate your feelings, the spouse will turn around & tell you what they did that made you feel this way.
- Usually, a conversation will turn into an aggressive fight.
- The spouse would continuously change the direction of the conversation, and after an hour, nothing was accomplished.
- During an argument about an event that happened today, the spouse will pull out something that happened five years ago.
- Rules keep changing for you, and your spouse is always in victim mode.
- Outside of the home, your spouse acts like a saint, and you are the villain.
- Others can’t believe that behind closed doors you argue.
- You are motivated to believe that things should work, so you suppress your needs most of the time.
- Small arguments are complained about by your spouse to your family members or in-laws, and in turn, you feel humiliated.
- Your head seems to spin when you try to communicate, but your spouse looks like they are in a different land somewhere too far away from what you say.
- Talking to a spouse feels mind-boggling.
- Your spouse keeps throwing tantrums even during important events in your life.
- You feel your feelings are not acknowledged.
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iNtegra counselling session helps you learn
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- Communication which resolves
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The four habits that break good conversations
Most couples recognise at least two of these within the first page.
How it feels now
Criticism that starts with always or never. Contempt that lands as a sigh. Defending yourself before the sentence is finished. Then one of you shuts down for the night.
What changes
You catch the habit while it is still small. The conversation gets a different opening, and the ending stops being automatic.
Next chapter: you disagree about something real, and nobody reaches for the old playbook.